How students can get over relationship anxiety

How to get over relationship anxiety (and create happy relationships)

Even if you do get disappointed by someone you love and trust, you can get over this. It is not the end of the world if your partner does something hurtful. You will live!

You can follow the tips below to get better at keeping your relationship anxiety at bay and even cultivating happiness and fulfillment.

1. Know that you have a problem.

You have relationship anxiety and, by acknowledging this fact, you will shed the confusion you have been carrying around for years. You will no longer be asking yourself Why am I so bad at relationships?

2. Find out what your attachment style is.

If you are a fearful avoidant, you might want to think of ways of confronting your relationship fears.

Go back mentally to your childhood time and remember how your relationship with your mom was. Were you excited to be with her? Did you play a lot with her? Did she care for you when you were angry, fearful or sad or punished you for showing natural, human emotions? Keep a journal to document these memories.

3. Challenge yourself.

If you are brave enough, challenge your attachment style by seeking emotionally healthy partners and friends.

Go where these folks usually hang out and try to connect with them. Can you do that? Why? Why not? How did you feel during this challenge?

4. Practice mindfulness.

When you have relationship anxiety, you shift your focus from your body, needs and emotions to your partner’s needs, thoughts and emotions. You worry about what he/she might think of you or you try to not upset them so they will not leave you for someone else.

Instead of being codependent, spend more time alone to become independent. Seek out support groups that deal with unhealthy behaviors like codependency (if you have relationship anxiety, you are probably a codependent)⁵ and toxic or narcissistic relationships.⁶

Learn how to practice mindfulness from this guide: A Simple Guide to Mindfulness for Beginners

5. Make a habit of asking yourself daily ‘How am I feeling today?’

Are you angry, excited or sad about a current event in your life? If you are in a toxic relationship, ask yourself how does the body react to your partner? What is your intuition telling you about him/her? Are you happy with him? Would you feel better if you were alone?

Use your journal to mark down your feelings and build a more positive relationship with your thoughts. You can also incorporate meditation in your daily schedule to get more comfortable with difficult feelings.

6. Even better, seek help from a therapist

Seek help from a therapist who is experienced in family relationships and trauma. He/she will know the best way to move forward from where you are now.